I will Never Give Up! Even when I feel I want to…
I have experienced so many challenges over my lifetime, both in my business and personal life. There have been times when I have felt like being in a mosh pit, listening to extremely loud and shitty music, stumbling on the ground and getting stomped by the other moshers!
Being in this state for a while is exhausting, tiring, and creates decreased mental motivation. The days start to endlessly combine and meld and very soon hopelessness sets in. During these dark times it is easy to feel like you want to pack up your bags and give up. As said, throughout my life there have been quite a few of these stressful tough periods and while sometimes it would appear that giving up would be the easiest course of action, it really is not. There are such huge ramifications to giving up, which I know would affect me for the rest of my life if I did!
I have had to really make an effort to overcome some of the deep valleys I have experienced along the way. I had to consciously, through shear will, overcome the negative desire to give up. Over my life, through experience, I have developed a framework, for myself, to overcome these periods, and the desire to run away from my fears, challenges, and failures. Here is my framework that has worked for me and helped me push through:
It’s all about the People – Surround Yourself with Positivity
Surrounding yourself with negative people only puts you on the fast track to giving up on yourself. There are many people who don’t want you to do better than them and want to “keep” you at their, or your, current level. They will constantly fill your ears with bullshit. Overtime, spending time with these people, you will develop a self-fulfilling prophecy. You will become a sorry, negative person as you spend your days whining about your problems without ever coming to any kind of solution, all of which are reinforced by your negative friends. You will find yourself quitting in the area where the problem is. You will justify the quitting with any excuse you can come up with. Many negative thoughts enter your mind when you have surrounded yourself with people who have positioned themselves as your support team when, in reality, they are negative influencers, looking to bring down everyone else around them, while forming a union of misery.
Get rid of these unhelpful and negative people immediately! Cut this unnecessary cancer out of your life as soon as you feel it creeping up on you. Follow your instincts. Surround yourself with happy, positive, supportive, loving, spiritual, and motivated people, who want nothing but the best for you, even when your success eclipses theirs.
Always ask ‘Why?’
To me it is very important to always think and reflect on the reasons why you started down the path you are currently on. What have been the decisions and sacrifices you have made, during your journey, which have got you to this point? Ask the question as to why do you continue to fight daily for your relationship, your business, your family? Why do you wake up every morning and hustle until you go to bed again?
For me, it has always been about the big picture and the satisfaction of knowing that I am building something bigger than myself, its for the people I love. I want to make sure that I am not doing things I dislike, if they are unnecessary. If they are necessary I want to remind myself of what the ultimate objective is. In this way I no longer have to dread or fear the things I hate doing or have to deal with.
There is great power and freedom that comes with reflecting on your “whys” particularly anytime you are feeling disconnected, or unmotivated working on things you dislike or hate doing. What I began doing is writing down my “whys” and keeping them for the times in life when I need some clarity.
Understand Yourself
Losing perspective and/or the sight of your goals are catalysts for the thoughts leading to “I can’t do this anymore.” One needs to learn to control one’s mind. To be able to control your mind and negative thoughts is such a great super power. It is a learned skill. It is a skill that needs to be worked on regularly, like playing an instrument, or studying a martial art, regular practice is a must.
This is a skill I have learned from doing competitive sports all my life, particularly participating in endurance sports, where one often hit “walls” that need to be immediately overcome.
It’s important to acknowledge the fact when you find yourself in a dark place. When you find yourself in that place start talking to yourself, love yourself and understand that you can overcome ANYTHING you set your mind to, you have the power…anything to adjust your attitude back into the right perspective. That doesn’t mean this is an easy process. I still struggle with perspective and re-setting my mind. It just means I have trained myself to become more self-aware and to understand that in these dark times, there are techniques that can help if you are willing to put in the time to develop them.
Setting Daily Goals Really Helps!
To stop myself getting overwhelmed with work and my personal life, I make a short, realistic list of tasks to accomplish each day. I do this the evening before or first thing in the morning as the coffee is brewing. It definitely helps to lighten the weight on my shoulders.
I use a fresh piece of paper for each new day. For me it is very therapeutic handwriting my to-dos, particularly when I feel I am somewhat overwhelmed. I write down everything that need to get done, no matter how trivial the task may be. I determine the urgency and importance of each task with a number (1 = Very important (needs to be done today), 2 = Fairly important (needs to be done this week), 3 = Not important (can be done anytime)).
Keeping and writing a to-do list takes a lot of pressure off me; I don’t struggle to remember what I have to do and it prevents me from becoming too overwhelmed. Until you lay everything out, you will not be efficient which can cause stress trying to remember things. By putting together a plan of attack I decrease my stress exponentially, because it obviously allows me to be more organized during the day.
Reach Out to Your People!
Those times when you do feel as if your life is spiraling out of control and you find yourself stuck in a dark place; DON’T isolate yourself from the people that are important to you. I used to do that all the time! Whenever you feel like giving up, there is always someone in your life who has been in a similar situation and can relate. Remember, as described in the It’s all about the People – Surround Yourself with Positivity section above; make sure you are reaching out to the right people.
I find it beneficial to have that one person, that one friend, I know I can reach out to when I need advice or simply just need to get something off my chest. Sometimes all I need is a short time with them for a quick venting session to spill everything that is bothering me, and my true friend simply listens, doesn’t judge, and doesn’t give any advice unless I ask for it.
I have found that it is beneficial not go to too many people with the same problem/issue just to build consensus to give you the answers that you want to have fit your narrative. Find that one non judgmental person, who is totally honest and gives it to you straight and has your best interests at heart.
Be careful when choosing that one person to confide in. Making the wrong choice can have negative ramifications. These types of relationships can start out with healthy intentions, but can end up leading to negative complaining and cancerous mindsets and/or negative behaviors that are counterproductive and totally destructive…if trusting and relying on the wrong person. It’s important that your person be your voice of reason when you are going down a wrong path in your thoughts.
Don’t Isolate yourself, but select “your person” wisely.
Change & Vary Your Routine
Doing the same thing, over and over, day in and day out is so boring! I have found that boredom can lead me to feel restless, and the restlessness can lead to negative thoughts, feelings and even claustrophobia. This has caused panic, and any stress in my life is considerably multiplied. I get to a point where I just don’t want to do anything anymore, and would rather give up on the tasks at hand. If this situation becomes prolonged it can lead to burn out.
To prevent and avoid this, it is important to switch up your daily routine every so often. Make changes to your daily routine, including aspects of your workout, switch tasks around, those that I do in the morning I will do in the afternoon. Go to bed earlier, wake up earlier, whatever it may be. Making small changes have a huge impact on my daily routine. I found that changing my routine decreases stress during the day at times when stress was common.
Relax, Breathe and take a Holiday!
Work and my other activities will always be there. However, my health and peace of mind will not. So I have found taking off a day here and there, is what I generally need to get myself back on track.
I have found that once I have reached a point where I still feel like giving up and none of my other techniques (above) are working it is time to take a day off and take a deep breath. Everything will be okay once you get your mind settled. Once it is I find I can dive straight back in, without skipping a beat, with more energy, motivation and pro-activeness. Also, resting and taking time off allows me to come back to something and see it under a new light, allowing for more creativity and energy to get things done.
Gain Spirituality
Last year, through the non-pressure, kind, loving, and sweet encouragement of my fiancé, Cassandra, I opened myself up to spirituality and to God. A relationship with God is a very personal and intimate journey. I don’t talk about my newly found spirituality with many people, but I think it’s important to discuss within the contest of this post.
As I continue to build a closer relationship with God, I have started to see things differently. It is a bond nurtured through love, letting go, continual communication and trust. Stepping back and putting my complete faith in God, I have invited Him into my life with loving trust and friendship. As my relationship with Him deepens, I have begun to see that God truly does oversee my growth. By totally letting go of my need to control everything in my life, I see how He steers my way as I navigate through this life.
Having a relationship with God brings a very powerful force in my corner to do battle. It allows me to seek wisdom and advice at a higher level. I have resolved many issues mediating in His presence. With God you are NEVER alone!
“There are things you should never give up on like your convictions and ambitions but most importantly…you should never give up on you. Keep making those sacrifices, keep running that race, keep advancing beyond your struggles to your eventual goal. You will deeply value your triumphs, if they’re not handed to you. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is worth having or attaining without labor and toil. So when you’re in your darkest hour and the road seems endless, no matter what, never ever give up on you…because only you will see you through.” – Jason Versey
Building Momentum Living Life! 